So long it has been...

Ah it feels like a lifetime since last i wrote on this quaint blog... so much has happened. None of which i can be bothered to write.

So. Instant mash is great innit? Specially as i can't have the old milk in normal mash it just isn't the same, so the instant kind is super for me in my lactose intolerance phase.

Good stuff. Will report further in due course.

Peace out

ciao

x

I want to be SheRah

Hey ho. So the year has come to an end and i find myself worn out, worn down and confused... yet bizarrely jolly.

Two week long camps later and my confidence has been lifted, maybe i can do my job after all... although i'm now yearning to work for Christian Aid and shock horror - older Christian kids.

This past week i have mostly said goodbye to miss katie before she flies off to NY forever, slept, eaten toasted chocolate spread and peanut butter sandwiches, been on the net, discovering myspace, sleeping, watching movies and contemplating things.

Had deep thoughts about the relationship side of things... that was enlightening but refreshing. At last i think i've come to a place where i think i might just be capable of a healthy relationship. maybe. hopefully. at least i'm more aware of my weaknesses and habits. that's a start.

This week i'm popping back to Essex to see my homies i hope, staying with my beloved nan since my parents have abandoned me.

And then starteth the new chapter, as part time administrator and part time youth and children's worker, while getting my head down and actually finishing my counselling course. i'm feeling positive which is nice.

My life remains a tad complex, but then i don't know what i'd do if it wasn't...

Also i want to be SheRah. Or at least have some powers. I really really want to be able to stop time... wake up in the morning - want more sleep, no problem. Running late - bob's your uncle, you're on time having freshened up and had a coffee. I can only pray.

Ciao
x

Orphaned

Ok a little dramatic but nonetheless the parental units have naffed off to Uganda leaving me and my idiot brother defenceless. Woe is me.
Not much else to write as such, all is a changin and i'm pretty used to it by now. Ho hum.

x

I'm fairly sure this is what i want...

And so it's been the most bizarre week in a long time...

I'm currently installing a new carpet in my life and it's changing the whole atmosphere in the room that is me.

So here's the carpet as it stands (aka things i'm sure of):
1. God is good
2. Who am I? = God is with me. There's that identity I've been looking so hard for.
3. I really like red wine.
4. I really need to be single.
5. It doesn't matter what career/partner/life i choose or find myself in as long as i keep rooted in God
6. Life's better when you're perspective changes and the only thing that's important is learning to dwell more and more in God
7. My brother's a twonk and needs to give in to God
8. Some people for various reasons are wary of me... and that's ok because i'm gonna try my hardest to have integrity and behave myself in all situations
9. I have a rather naughty and mischievous streak and i'm not letting go of it
10. My hair has grown remarkably long and i was pleasantly shocked when i straightened it for the first time in ages.

So although i am a Laura with many issues, indeed a baggage lady, I'm happy. And i have hope. And a few of the big choices i've made of late appear to have been the right ones for a change.

And now a chorus of bind us together... all together now

ciao

x

Someone stole my carpet...

Mmmm due to rude comments left on my last post i shall be making even less effort with this one. Let that be a lesson to you.

So today i am mostly feeling bunged up and croaky, and much like something really significant and life changing happened and i was late and missed it...

my newly single status has left me numb and wondering whether i'll ever actually be capable of a meaningful real relationship...but that's far too deep for now. My parents abandoning me to them Africans and my ER buddy running away to who knows where all adds to my feelings of rootlessness.

Also it has been covertly brought to my attention that i really rely on people for my identity and worth, namely boyfriends. And for the first time I am left with no one to lean on for affirmation like i'm used to. And how do i feel? pants. And it's been all but a day since my world finished it's pulling out of rug act and i'm completely lost. And it turns out i cry. To top it all off i'm a right girl.

So what from here? well one does wonder, i remember the frivolous times of hamster versus llama and oh how i mourn those simpler days.

I think i shall become a baptist nun.

Supercalfrag...stuff it

Well it's has been a while. What a year of ups and downs thus far.
Work has been hard but amazing, tiring but challenging and i suspect i may have grown up a fair bit. I am now 21 years old which is actually pretty ok. My birthday rocked which was a relief and blessing and lovely thing.

Went to Senegal - didn't want to come back. Spent my time there truly being myself, realised what that was actually like.

Realising how truly awful i am at keeping in touch with people i once had meaningful relationships with, and noticing how few meaningful relationships i have left.

Parents are moving to Africa in the summer, safety net being yanked out but not a bad thing.

Feeling happy but subdued, hence lack of proper eloquent sentences. i chose to express through statements.

Teaching about sex, abstinence, self esteem and identity at the moment. Intimacy comes from transparency which comes from vulnerability which comes from trust which comes from communication which is the basis of a healthy relationship. How the heck am i supposed to do all that? With time, God and a very understanding partner i suppose. Goodness me i'm supposed to be the teacher and i'm struggling myself, although i suppose that's my biggest resource as well as thorn in my side. La di da...

You know when you feel detached from your body, my mind is numb and my body's on auto pilot...

Bring on a holiday at Easter.

Til then

Ciao
x

Is it Christmas? Really? Gosh I just hadn't noticed.

Shockingly enough i am rather cynical about Christmas being shoved down my throat since October, and fed up of the ignorance sourrounding me... just today I was asked why we bothered to sing carols at the Christmas Carol Services, why couldn't we stick to the traditional Christmas songs like White Christmas and Do they know it's Christmas...

I won't go off on one fear not. Needless to say I find myself reluctant to enter into the spirit of a season which has had it's identity taken over by Bob Geldof and Marks and Spencers.

Anywho almost done for this term and indeed 2005 - work is coming to a climax with Sunday morning's service involving me rushing into the church interrupting the minister and telling him to stop dulling down the Christmas story and missing the point...it shall be refreshing, i look forward to it.

If anyone is expecting a Christmas card or shock horror a present you might want to lower your expectations, i'm lazy, broke and making a stand against commercialism. though mainly the first two.

Well i'm sure i will become jolly when i feel less harrassed and i get my kidney fixed... if i forget to write again, have a Merry Christmas and embrace the New Year!!!

ciao
x